Bizarre Things People Say To Authors

Nobody tells you that when you publish a book, it becomes a license for total strangers to say outrageous things to you that you could never imagine saying to anyone.

I’m not just talking about people who’ve actually bought your book. Even people who haven’t read your book feel encouraged to share, in the spirit of helpfulness.

At first, when you’re on tour, it’s surprising, then tiring — but eventually it’s funny, and sometimes it even gives you material for your next book. All the comments on this list have been offered to me or other writer friends in almost exactly these words:

“I liked your book, but I hated the ending.”

“Your characters shouldn’t be so nice.”

“Your characters should be more likeable.”

“You need more sex in your books.”

“There was too much sex in your book.”

“The book doesn’t make sense unless there’s a sequel.”

“You used too many words I had to look up.”

“Too bad you’re not better known.”

“It was fun but it’ll never sell.”

“My bookstore doesn’t carry any of your books.”

“I found some typos in your book — you should fix that.”

“I’d like you to write my book.”

“Ewww.  What’s up with that cover?”

“Can you tell your agent about me?”

am i 4“You have a way with words.”

“Your stories are too short.  Did they leave something out at the factory?”

“You need to put a nice lesbian in your next book.”

“I have a 2,000 page manuscript, I think you’d really enjoy editing it for me.”

frustratedwomanLev Raphael is the author of 25 books in genres from memoir to mystery which you can find on Amazon.

3 thoughts on “Bizarre Things People Say To Authors

  1. I’ve heard each and every one of these, multiple times, Lev, and in addition, these gems:
    1. That’s a VERY flattering picture.
    2. I’m a writer, too, but I write REAL books.
    3. I only buy books at CostCo.
    4. (From a bookseller, on my sales, in front of my publisher): My heart bleeds for you.
    5. (From a parent to her child, as he idly stopped by my book signing): Billy, don’t touch that! IT’S A BOOK!!

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