I enjoyed 2015’s Jurassic World for the thrills and the humor, though it wasn’t nearly as smart, surprising, and beautiful as Jurassic Park. But even an extra bag of popcorn couldn’t keep me interested in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.
Here are just ten aspects of this turkey that frustrated me–and yes, I know, it’ll be a gigantic hit despite being crap.
The set-up, in case you haven’t heard, is that Isla Nublar’s volcano is going to explode and wipe out the island’s dinosaurs. Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are there alongside scores of soldiers of war to help round up “eleven species” (why not a baker’s dozen?) and get them to a sanctuary.
Spoilers ahead.
1–After dinosaurs have killed so many people, how believable is a movement organized to protect them?
2–What’s supposed to be Chris Pratt and Bryce Howard’s witty repartee about their breakup sounds juvenile.
3–The bad guy mercenary leading the effort to capture the dinosaurs looks eerily like Mel Brooks.
4–The movie keeps telegraphing what’s coming. Example: the camera focuses on a pillow so the audience knows someone will be suffocated in bed.
5–Several floors including a huge lab and gigantic cages got constructed deep beneath a rich man’s mansion and he has no idea it happened.
6–One vicious dinosaur is stopped by a simple wooden wall when a smaller dinosaur’s just broken through brick.
7–A kid being chased by a dinosaur who’s seen its destructive power hides in her bed, not even under it.
8–Sale prices in the dinosaur auction seem way too low given their rarity.
9–Dinosaurs aren’t invulnerable, so what would be the point of turning them into battlefield weapons?
10–Jeff Bloom’s closing, pompous testimony to Congress about living with the dinosaurs comes off as stoner wisdom.
I read reviews after seeing it, and the Boston Globe pegs it by noting the movie lacks “character, mystery, wonder, danger.”
Lev Raphael is the author of Writer’s Block is Bunk and teaches creative writing on line at http://writewithoutborders.com.